Support Mastery and Meaning
To See with the Virtues is intimately linked to Strategy 1: Speak the Virtues. It is an attitude towards life as a process in which each of us is a life-long learner. Some of the most important lessons people learn early in life such as at school go beyond academics. To See with the Virtues are moments of awareness - awareness of the meaning of what is happening and the virtue which is at the heart of it. It is asking the right questions: What can be learnt from this? What virtues need more practice?
This strategy involves seeing life as a journey whereby mistakes will be inevitable and are a powerful learning tool. Mistakes when approached with a positive outlook can be our greatest teachers. Gently guiding people to practice a virtue is a way to turn mistakes into golden life lessons and opportunities to bring out the best in each other.
To See with the Virtues is a perspective in which we see issues which happen day to day as grist for the mill of character. Virtues are the content of our character and Seeing with the Virtues are the “lesson plans” shaping our virtues. Our courage grows when we are afraid and “do it anyway.” Our excellence is developed when a task is challenging and we give our best to it. Our responsibility, forgiveness and determination grow when we own up to a mistake, and then make it right.
When one Speaks the Virtues at the same time as they See with the Virtues this stimulates mastery of our inherent character traits, and attaches meaning to our actions.
Turn Stumbling Blocks into Stepping Stones
Healthy self esteem grows as people make choices to do the right thing. We are making the most of lessons when we See with the Virtues that occur every day. This also builds morale because it takes the sting out of making mistakes. When we are really challenged by life, that is the best time for us to hone our virtues. Sometimes mistakes are our best teachers.
Positive encouragement by focusing on students’ “growth virtues” supports them to keep improving in an area that is challenging for them. It draws their awareness to what they are doing right. If you feel the growth shows real effort recognise this.
Be a Teacher Not a Preacher
It is especially important not to Speak the Virtues to moralise. E.g.: Asking “Why can’t you be more peaceful?” shames a person. What works far better is calling them to their virtues - their self-discipline, their respect, their cooperation. Asking a person to consider how they can practice being more peaceful when challenged for example, is a way to show respect to the person.
One of the best gifts a person in a leadership role of any community or group can give others, is their commitment to help bring out the best in them.
Should someone you are called to support be struggling with messiness for example, instead of criticising, try asking “what help would you like to keep more orderly?”
Inquiring “What virtue do you need” and “how can I help you”, with genuine interest, can inspire lasting change in those you support. When you See with the Virtues in this way, overtime, you will see resistance melt away.
Help Others Balance their Virtues
If someone you support is strong in one virtue, he or she may need help in balancing it with a complimentary virtue. For example, to promote harmony and cooperation within any team, isolating one person even if they are most helpful to you personally can cause rifts and competition. In these instances, call on your own tact and while acknowledging this one’s helpfulness, encourage them to use their helpfulness with others who may need it too. When this person does reach out to others, acknowledge and encourage that, so by balancing the virtues in others, your team will thrive.
Be a Conscience Maker, Not a Conscience Breaker
One of the goals of a virtues-oriented educator is to help those you support build a strong conscience. Conscience is the regulator of character, the still small voice that keeps us doing right and warns us against doing wrong. Punishment based approaches to character building, while serving a role, if over relied on, often produce any combination of:
- Fear or hate for authority
- People -pleasing
- Rebellion
- Free-floating guilt
Shaming Discourages Excellence
Many First Nation Aboriginals were taken from their families and placed in schools. This not only occurred in Australia, but also among First Nation people in the USA and Canada alike. Discipline was so harsh that according to one Elder, Charlotte H, who shared:
“ You learnt systematic mediocrity so you wouldn’t be noticed. You didn’t want to draw attention to yourself, so even academically you wouldn’t exceed or fail, just be as mediocre as possible.. Shaming people in any way, particularly when they are younger has a similar impact - it discourages excellence. Charlotte H
“In any leadership role of another human being, you possess a tremendous power to make that person’s life miserable or joyous, you can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspriation. You can choose to humiliate or to humour, to hurt or to heal.”- Anonymous.