Virtues Based Boundaries built on respect, peace, and justice are like a fence of safety within which there is freedom. The virtues of peace, justice, respect, kindness, and so on are the guideposts. Establishing Virtues Based Boundaries helps to create safe havens, within which people are free to be.
A Holistic Approach to Character Building
The most holistic approach to preventing violence is to create a culture of character, an atmosphere of inclusion, friendliness, mutual trust, caring and kindness where these virtues are valued as much as fame, academic achievement or fortune. Integral to a culture of caring is a disciplinary system based on peace and justice, focused not on retribution but restitution.
"The way an authority role over another is used is the key in creating a culture of character."
An Educative Model of Authority
The core principle of virtues-based discipline is to: always use authority in the service of learning.
An empowering way to use authority is by seeing it as mentorship for learning. Authority can be used to help those you support develop virtues which are the life skills they will need all of their lives:
Authority over any other person needs to be used to develop their gifts within, just as a good coach uses discipline to help an athlete develop his or her talents and strengths. Authority over another should never be abused to service the person in charge’s power. Authority over another is used to build champions.
The goal of effective authority over another is to enable the one being led to develop their own inner authority of personal responsibility and accountability.
Effective authority empowers others to make conscious moral choices.
Authority IS Leadership
The element which most shapes the strength of culture of any group (from a family unit through to a nation) is the leadership style of those in charge. Do those in charge use their authority to overpower or to empower? If we are willing to accept the responsibility of leadership as service , we must sacrifice the wish for our team to like us and agree with us at all times.
An effective coach does not consult an athlete about whether or not he or she feels up to doing an early morning run, for example. An effective coach takes responsibility to take their athlete to the edge.
Dominance taken to extreme is cruelty masquerading as authority but a team without boundaries is a leaderless group
Authority used harshly does not show those we lead what we DO want them to do, it only models violence to them. In Australia, in just the recent 20 years caning at schools has become illegal, however it is still being practiced in some schools in other countries, to this day. On the other hand, modern day Australia, in some circumstances has been accused of passivity, with our youth, in particular suffering by the over emphasis on too many freedoms. This is due to confusion among their leaders about limit setting so that in some cases their leaders are unaware how helpful effective exercise of their authority would be.
A person without boundaries is like a person without a job description
Most people want to do the right thing, be a “good” employee/student/child etc, but without a clear description or boundaries they are left uncertain of what the right thing looks like. This is why having a reference point for discipline, such as the ten guidelines for Virtues Based Boundaries,when consistently applied, works very effectively
The Ten (10) Guidelines for Establishing Virtues Based Boundaries
The following virtues based guidelines for setting boundaries are helping a variety of groups and organisations across various communities to significantly reduce discipline problems and aggression, at the same time creating a climate of kindness, gentleness and self-esteem.
A virtues based educator should seek a discipline system based on Restorative Justice
Restorative Justice, in essence, is based on the understanding that people already have goodness, the universal virtues within them. These do not have to be imposed from without , they can be awakened from within. Instead of using coercion and force (which rarely works in the long run) those in charge can express a clear and firm expectation based on the virtues to see much improved results.
Having this bottom line behaviour, or ground rules both support essential boundaries, and will make up the boundaries themselves, therefore confirming bottom line behaviour is a vital part of establishing a safe haven.
Guideline 1: Be Moderate
Choose a few ground rules to be your group’s Vision and guiding light. There should be approximately 5 - 10. Long lists of rules are not as desirable to learn and memorise as framing this into a Vision Statement .
Guideline 2: Be Specific
The ground rules for your group need to be relevant to you and your specific group's needs based on the behaviours you see and the behaviour you want to see.
Guideline 3: Be Positive. Base Rules on Virtues
Avoid expressing rules in the negative. In your daily interactions tell those you take care of what you Do want them to do instead of warning them about what you Don't want them to do.
Focus awareness on the virtues in your Vision Statement which is your shared commitment to how you want to treat one another.
Positive Rules Do Help
Be Considerate. Keep your voices low.
Be Kind to people, feelings and things.
Be Respectful in actions and words.
Be Cooperative. Talk over disagreements
Guideline 4: Give Specific, Relevant Consequences
When bottom line negative behaviour occurs, that is the time to follow through with a consequence. Make sure whatever the consequence is, it is very specific and fitting to the offence. It is best if the consequence is in the form of amends already discussed and chosen by the person.
Serious infractions: need to have predetermined consequences that depending on the nature of the offence and may include suspension from the workplace or school etc . If repeated, will result in termination of their contract. For a child in a home setting, time out, grounding, orelse, removal of an important reward should suffice.
Guideline 5: Use Consequences which are Restorative not Retributive
The goal of correction is to restore justice and to restore the person back to the group or community to repair the relationship, not isolate the perpetrator, to build character in the long term, not just get rid of the problem and the perpetrator.
Give Restorative Suspensions: Ensure the offender is given clear reasons for the decision and has a solid understanding of the expectation required that should be drawn from the virtues upon their return. When they return to back their group, ask them what they learnt from the time away and show that you believe in them that they can put the missing virtue back into practice again.
Reflection not Rejection is the Key
Guideline 6: When Children Receive Consequences, Be Sure They Understand the Reason
In the home place, when giving time out make sure the child understands the virtue they have forgotten that the timeout will give them an opportunity to practice again. When the timeout has lapsed ask them for example, “Are you ready to be respectful now?” “Will you play peacefully now?” Tell them you know they can do it, and it will help assure them they belong in the group.
Guideline 7: Be Consistent
Assume that people can at times test your limits, forget rules, or just be having a bad day. Regardless of the reason for the lapse, trustworthiness demands the bottom line rules be automatically enforced. This is not time for mercy but justice. People will only respect those rules that are constant and consistent. So only make bottom line rules you can enforce, consistently if needed.
Guideline 8: Communicate Rules Clearly
Post boundaries and make sure everyone required to follow gets a copy. Make them clear and easy to remember.
Make a staff, student or group handbook with the Vision Statement easily seen upon opening. Then list bottom line boundaries, rules and consequences clearly and concisely through the book.
Guideline 9: Make Bottom Line Rules Non-Negotiable
Ground Rules are your bottom line. They must be things that are non-negotiable so that everyone is clear that there is zero tolerance for them. Be sure to think about this before you make something a rule.
Example: Post the Vision Statement around the room on walls nicely framed for all to see.
Guideline 10: Make Your Expectations Clear
Practice the virtue of asserting self-respect in day-to-day interactions by
- Making your personal boundaries clear
- Making decisions without pressure
- Giving consent within boundaries
- Using quick, gentle pre-agreed ways to call people to attention
- Acknowledge the cooperation of those who respond positively to a boundary
- Putting your regular expectations into clear boundaries
Discipline with Virtues is a Piece of Cake
The four ingredients:
C onfidence: in using your authority in a leadership/mentorship way
A ssertiveness: establishing your ground rules
K indness: in the way you treat others
E nthusiasm: for who and what you are teaching